N… is right. Ratzon Hashem is what matters most. That’s why you should probably ask your Rabbi. He is more qualified to determine what is ratzon Hashem.
Also, we can’t decide what makes us closer to Him, He does.
Modern psychology tells us feelings are never wrong, and Jewish feminist, you are telling Lior that he can’t tell you what to feel. You’re right, he can’t. But Hashem can. I don’t know how that applies to the scenario being discussed.
But feelings can be wrong and you need to be open to that.
(Ex we can’t feel jealous…)