Sorry to hear that youre feeling that way. Its so depressing when you feel like one day just blends into another and theres no purpose in your existence.
Very often when I feel that way I make a countdown to something im looking foward to or I create something to look foward to.
Its important to fake it till you make it. Sometimes by acting happier then you really feel, you actually begin to feel better. Another thing I recommend is exercise. A morning run or lifting weights… anything! Especially now when the air is heaven! It automatically boosts your energy.
Getting to bed on time is essential!!!!!!
I have a few suggestions of things to do when you get bullied. Please try them even if you’re afraid to. Remember that anything worth doing is worth doing badly. Meaning, if it doesn’t work out the first time, look at it as a learning experience and then try again!
1) ever heard of the expression “kill them with kindness?” I know they hurt you when they bully you but make believe they can’t get to you. Go further than that. Give them a compliment or do something nice for them and after that theyll back off pretty quickly!
2) if they start taunting you, just tell them that you feel bad for them that they need to pick on someone smaller than themselves in order to feel good.
3) keep a list of all your virtues with you to look back on when you need to.
I dont know where youre learning but if you aren’t enjoying it then maybe its better to switch to a yeshiva which is part time learning and part time studying towards a BA or something like that.
Good luck! Keep me posted!!!! Thinking of you. ..