First of all, the fact that you are working on yourself puts you in the upper echelon of people, and I am extremely impressed with you . most people DO NOT work on themselves their entire lifetime, missing the point of their entire existence. the fact that you are struggling with who you are, and trying to understand yourself means you are one of the few special people who are trying to grow.
Now, just as we here, your friends at the coffee room are here to help and give you a helping hand. so too in the real world. MOST people in real life want you to succeed and to do well and those who don’t , don’t matter. Try to find friends in real life who don’t judge ,but like to just schmooze and spend time with you , and slowly but surely you will connect deeply with some of them and have someone to discuss things with. If you are uncomfortable with that, like I was, why not call up, anonymously, a older person to act as a mentor. Or email him. He does not need to know who you are ,and probably does not want to. if you see something in a book that touches a chord , contact the author to discuss it and understand it. it isn’t easy but it is most definitely possible, especially for someone as deep and driven as you are. also, why not try helping someone who you know is struggling with the same issues as the posuk (and a beferish avraham fried song) says “ish es rayehu ya’azoiru uleaciv yomar CHAZAK!. that way you will help each other overcome your issues,and you wil gain the bestest of friends.
finally take the time this yom tov to really daven and ask hashem to open your heartand mind to be able to understand torah and your purpose in life. hashem is not scary, he is a loving father who only wants the best for you GOOD YOM TOV ,AND ALWAYS REMEBER TO KEEP SMILING!!!!!!!!