You can never go wrong with Jack Handey’s deep thoughts. Here are some:
Whenever I need to “get away,” I just get away in my mind. I go to my imaginary spot, where the beach is perfect and the water is perfect and the weather is perfect. The only bad thing there are the flies. They’re terrible!
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.
I think in one of my previous lives I was a mighty king, because I like people to do what I say.
If I was being executed by injection, I’d clean up my cell real neat. Then, when they came to get me, I’d say, “Injection? I thought you said inspection’.” They’d probably feel real bad, and maybe I could get out of it.
It’s easy to sit there and say you’d like to have more money. And I guess that’s what I like about it. It’s easy. Just sitting there, rocking back and forth, wanting that money.
Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy’s arm behind his back. NOW who’s asking the questions?