- Chuck Norris shlugs kapparos with a cow.
- Chuck Norris fasts the entire aseres yemei teshuva. (Actually, this is a real minhag- but he doesn’t eat at night.)
- Chuck Norris klaps “al cheit” with brass knuckles.
- Chuck Norris says all of the extra piyutim in the back of the Artscroll machzor And still has a 3 hour break.
- Chuck Norris’s sukkah is made from actual Ananei HaKavod.
- Chuck Norris is makpid not to breathe outside the sukkah.
- When Chuck Norris bangs his Aravos, it measures 6.3 on the Richter Scale — 50 miles away.
- Chuck Norris does backwards hagbah on all 3 Torahs at once, while holding up all 4 sides of the tallis chupa.
- Chuck Norris holds his Lulav and Esrog, his Machzor, the Torah, and cell phone – All at the same time. In one hand.