BYM There are those who say that yeshivish community is sexist while many would argue that it is gender-sensitive.
I do agree with many of the things you say, except the part about not hearing about men’s tafkid in the home. You haven’t heard them because you’re a woman and you’re not invited to those classes. If you went to seminary and they told you about the woman’s tafkid, it’s because as a woman you should know your responsibilities. Telling you your husband’s responsibilities is just a way to create sholom bayit issues. However, when you get married you receive a document clearly dictating your husband’s responsibilities to you.
“What happens, when you reapetedly see that graphic artists became graphic artists because society and upbringing told them they should be graphic artists, but when they try to do something THEY want, based on ABILITIES, like become sales managers or copy writers, they do a great job at it. What happens when what I am saying applies to 80% of the graphic artists?”
—Everyone has a choice. If a person throws away her intellect and instead become society’s puppet, that is her choice. Many people are happier not having to make the big decisions and would rather live in a community that makes those choices for them. There are quick, cheap courses which enable one to learn these skills and many who do become, for example, graphic artists, do so for this reason. Unless one is extremely talented, no one is getting rich off any of the generic careers, but to live the lifestyle they want to lead, they only need enough money to get by.
“If some of the people on this thread would read his description of the ideal marriage relationship, they’d probably want to arrange public burning’s of his books. Not exactly sympathetic to feminist ideas.”
—He said some pretty outrageous things, not just about women, and I have had that thought ;-p
Regarding finances: A marriage is not two separate entities who live together. When one earns money, that spouse earns the money for both of them. The fact that one of them actually earned the paycheck does not mean that he or she has control over the other. It is both of their money and it is shared. Both spouses should have equal rights to the moneys earned.
Correct me if I’m wrong but I think what you are getting at is that women seem to be the go-to scapegoats. I have that feeling but my relatives who are yeshivish disagree, which is why they are yeshivish and I am not. Every community has its positives and negatives and if you feel that a certain community has more negatives than positives, you should find a new community. You may think they are blind to not see things the same way you do, but actually each person is entitled to his/her own opinion so it is not that they are blind but rather that they disagree.
If someone feels ‘stuck’ in a certain lifestyle, that is their perception and not the reality because if they truly believed a different life was more appealing, they would follow it or else they are a wimp. There is no reason to feel bad for someone who lives in a community that you don’t respect, because if that person is living a certain life, most likely it is indicative of their beliefs. Bottom line is, you should not live in a community that you feel is offensive to you.