bais yaakov maidel – hear the rav pincus shiur about the jewish woman VERY KDAI….either way, he describes in a few of his shiurim that while a man’s growth is like a tree growing outside, a woman’s growth is like the roots in the “amkus” (depth) she reaches, but that it can’t be seen because it’s underground.
Another point, the gr”a says in even shleima that a person’s tafkid in this world (and as far as I know he wasn’t differentiating men and women) is to fix his/her middos and that is why a person was sent down to this world.
I am a kollel wife and strongly feel from experience and life trying many paths in ruchniyus, that for your neshama to feel whole you MUST do stuff for your PERSONAL growth, whether its shiurim or things that fill you as a person etc etc – even when you’re a parent and wife. For sure your accomplishments as a wife and mother are HUGE parts of your life, and a huge (even main) focus in life, but working on ourselves, as our own avoda, is paramount (which being a parent and a wife for sure helps raise that from like level 3 of avodas hamiddos to level 20! with no sleep, much more stress etc etc!)
There definitely are chazals that say a women gets techiyas hameisim only through her supporting her husband’s and sons’ torah, because it can only be acquired through the mitzvah of talmud torah and that’s how women access that schar, but that is only one (albiet important) aspect of a woman’s avoda.