thinking:
i for one would think the commumnity should rethink the wedding costs and make shadchnus payment a priority (to ensure enough shadchanim enter and stay in the field)
so if your question is do i personally have 5k laying around to spend easily- NO. Not by a long shot.
do i think that many if not all of us could rebudget our wedding costs and household expenses to spend the money where it is most needed.
Yes-i think a LOT could be done in the issue.
The sense in this thread from many posters is that paying shadchanim is kind of like a afterthought. It’s what we spend leftover money on.
I’m just wondering why that’s a acceptable attitude.
We don’t feel that way about any other service providers, why should it be acceptable to feel that way about shadchanim. And then we wonder why we don’t have enough shadchanim in the field.
(side note: The reason I personally prefer/recommend the date 2/ date 4 compensation system, is not because of the financial burden that 4/5 k shadchanus per side would create (though i’m sure some may disagree). That could/would be solved simply by shifting our spending priorities. If/when shadchanus was considered a primary wedding expense as it well should be, then people would cut down elsewhere.)
To put things in perspective. Al pi halacha one requires 2 kosher witensses at the kiddushin and a total of 10 people at the chuppa. Basically every other wedding expense is “extra”. Paying the shadchan is not extra. It is obligatory. Not that 4k/5k is currently obligatory, it’s not. I’m simply showing how our wedding expenditure priorities are skewed.
I’m not advocating a complete overhaul in weddings, but we can all be sure that if in budgeting for lchayim’s/vorts/wedding’s/apartment set up/young couple assistance etc etc. , we FIRST set aside 4k/ 5k for the shadchan AND then planned the venue, invite list, menu, clothing shopping, band, flowers etc…
who knows, we might start complaining that all the other service providers have unreasonable expectations/demands about financial compensation etc etc…..
And the shadchanim would be able to make a parnassha that would encourage and keep enough talented and capable shadchanim to provide for the communities needs.