to thinking out loud:
I just wonder why people don’t ask other service providers
“if its all about the cash – how do you know that the service provider is doing everything to make sure that this service and resulting effects of service provided goes smoothly.- that e/t is ‘according to the books'”
“also what about being paid in the next world? does that not mean anything anymore?”
Why is it that our community has this attitude with regards to shadchanim but not plumbers/electricians/doctors/lawyers/therapists/tutors etc etc…
As you pointed yourself, the extensive amount of time that gets spent on just one shidduch. Imagine if you were busy with redding tens of shidduchim.
Is it any wonder why there are so few shadchanim to turn to?
If it any wonder that we hear the common refrain from the singles that they can’t get through to shadhchanim and the shadchanim saying they are simply bombarded and can’t possibly cater to all comers. (obviously a sign of to few providers to serve the communal need)
why is it that we have plenty of doctors/lawyers/electricians/plumbers/therapists etc etc
but with regards to shadchanim there are simply not enough to serve the communities needs.
I think we can all rest assured, that IF shadchanus was a reasonably profitable venture, then we would see plenty of people use it as a respectable means of supporting their families.
The reality is, that it isn’t, and that is a prime reason why many young talented shadchanim leave the “field” simply because their familial responsibilities requires that they use their time and talents to provide for their families- something that shadchanus didn’t seem likely to be able to do for them.
so who lost out?
them- no. They went into other fields and are supporting their families, and they no doubt with find other venues for doing various chassodim.
the community loses out when talented/capable shadchanim leave the field.
Perhaps WHEN we as a community sees to it that that be the case, that shadchanim are compensated as any other service provider, in a manner that can enable them to provide for their families, THEN we will also have plenty of shadchanim. Just like we have plenty of all other service providers.
(side note: i personally do NOT think the effective method of compensating shadchanim is 1000-1500 for completed shidduchim. YES that is the norm in many circles, but i believe that isn’t sufficient to keep shadchanim in business. And i think the proof is in the pudding, because even in the circles where 1000-1500 shadchanus is very common, their are simply not nearly enough people who are able to dedicate themselves to being shadchanim to properly serve the communal need, and instead they find other ways to provide for their families.
I think to make it work on the communal level, one of two things would need to be commonplace.
either standard shadchanus from each side should be in 4000-5000 range. That would enable shadchanim who put in the time and effort and make 7/8 shidduchim a year (which is about normal for the typical very busy shadchan who spends basically their day/night weekday/weekend redding shidduchim) and in cases of difficult shidduchim (one good measure of difficulty is the infrequency the now engaged singles had been getting set up prior to the current shidduch), the shadchanus should be commensurately higher.
Just like it is in any other service provider situation- that the compensation is commesurate with the degree of difficulty involved in the service provided.
I would think that the potential parnassah of 56k-80k would be about right to encourage more talented people to join/stay in the field. These dollar amounts are surely still way below what other service providers who put in the equivalent time and effort to their practice that shadchanim do
Alternatively (if 4k-5k per side per completed shidduch is to big a burden and it may well be-although it’s but a fraction of wedding costs and the shadchan is the most important piece of the simcha), a effective system would be be to compensate shadchanim for dates set up such as a date 2/date 4 system. In such a system the shadchan is compensated for what they can accomplish, i.e. setting up a date/ be it a decent date (date 2) or a quality date (date 4) as opposed to only compensating the shadchanim if a engagement occurs-something that is really out of the hands of the shadchan.
Here to, the level of compensation for a date 2/ date 4 should be commensurate with the degree of difficulty in assisting the specific single to that point.
I have no doubt, that no change will occur overnight as a result of this post- but discussion of the issue is certainly helpful.