The implication of your first point is that she can sit at home and expect to be treated like a queen on her throne. Although she doesn’t need to get a 9-5 office job, and it’s the husband’s contractual obligation to support, there is a certain obligation on her part. The gemara talks about spinning thread.
Your other points all seem to indicate that you feel the Torah gives her the right to completely take over the finances, and obligate you to large amounts of debt . While it is assumed that a wife can take care of normal household expenses, and it’s unhealthy for a husband to micromanage her expenditures, you present it (and maybe I’m reading this wrong) as if she is causing serious financial harm, and I don’t know if this is your skewed perspective or her irresponsibility, but it certainly isn’t the Torah’s fault.
I hope your counselling can help you both understand the other’s point of view. and help you come to reasonable expectations of each other.