Aries: I don’t think initially asking the Rav to approach the wife is the wisest idea; I would say ask the wife’s female mentor [at an earlier stage in her life] whom she naturally trusts more, so that she can explain to her nicely the husband’s position and the issues involved.
TBT: I also believe in the sanctity of marriage, and that divorce should not be taken lightly. However, every spouse who has gotten caught in such a situation must ask themselves seriously if they are ready to endure the abuse indefinitely w/o it ruining their self image, or will it end up ruining their self image and cause them to live their lives with a broken ego. If the latter is true [either because of the severity of the abuse, or because of the psychological nature of the abused spouse], then definitely divorce is the right option, since one cannot serve Hashem properly with a shattered ego. Doesn’t it say in the Torah our primary obligation is to serve Hashem with happiness -“Tachas Asher Lo Uvadita Es Hashem B’Simcha U’vituv Laivuv”? A divorced spouse serving Hashem with happiness is better than a married one serving Hashem in misery.