LMA: I never claimed abuse is not possible. My point here is, that you can’t force the other person to change etc. Rather, do go to your Rebbe/Rav/Rebbetzen/compitant mentor etc. which hopefully is long existent, and get help. Running away won’t help. Nor will “changing the other” (isen’t that a form of abuse?!)
Now that you mention the D card, lets analize it.
Q: Why did the abused marry an abuser?
A1: Didn’t know, couldn’t tell.
Problem: Next time you won’t be fooled? Next time you will “see it”. Good luck
A2: He/She was such a good person while dating,
but became “bad” after the marriage or after a few years.
Problem: What will stop that from happening with prince charming/queen perfect, whos just waiting for them to jump ship.
Thought: Maybe we should seek to fix ourselves, and so many problems will divorce us.
(on rare rare occasion, the Rebbe etc. will advise divorce. I’d guess about 5% of divorces, if that much)