Her name was Faygee. She was 20 years old and she had a smile that could light up a room. Faygee was one of my wife Aviva’s students and she was full of life, full of love, and full of hope. She always knew what to say to make everyone around her feel good, how to give them chizuk so that they could carry on even when they faced trials and tribulations.
We lost Faygee Monday night to an accidental heroin overdose. My wife, my children and I are all mourning the loss of this beautiful neshama. Unlike so many other cases you hear about, Faygee had the full support of her family who did all that they could to help her through the difficulties she faced. And yet, we still lost her and we find ourselves in shock, grieving the loss of this promising young woman.
For those of you who are counting, Faygee is the 60th person in the Jewish community to die of a drug overdose since this past Rosh Hashana. I have gotten yelled at many a time for counting these deaths and have been told I am sensationalizing these tragic events, but nothing could be farther from the truth. Keeping track of this terrible, heartbreaking statistic makes it real, forces us to face facts. We are not immune. Every single one of those deaths have happened on our watch and WE are responsible.
I get many phone calls from people who tell me that they want to open up treatment centers or sober houses after hearing about these terrible losses. I always ask if their intention is to do this as a chesed or as a business and the response is always the latter. Have we lost our minds that we are looking to turn a profit from this horrific trend? Have we no compassion? Why are we willing to do everything in our power for those with cancer and couples who struggle with infertility, but when it comes to those who suffer from a drug addiction we see it as a good business opportunity? We are rachmanim bnei rachmanim – so why is it that when it comes to kids on the street or those with addictions, we aren’t opening our hearts and our wallets to help those who are struggling?
I write this as Faygee’s family is preparing for her funeral and I can’t stop thinking about how it wasn’t that long ago that I attended Faigy’s high school graduation. She spoke so sweetly and with such sincerity. The message she delivered was a powerful one and today, I hope to be able to share one more powerful message on behalf of an amazing young woman who left us all too soon.
Let each and every one of us reach out to those who are struggling. Pretend that they are your brother, your sister, your child or your parent and do whatever it takes to get them the help they need. We need to band together as a group to fight this epidemic with every ounce of strength so that no more parents have to plan funerals for their daughters like Faygee’s parents are today. May our renewed efforts to help those in need be a zechus for Faygee’s neshama and for the neshamos of the other 59 we have lost this year and may they be a source of strength for those who are still struggling.
Faygee, I beg you to penetrate the heavens on behalf of those who are suffering. Seek out the others and go together with them to storm the kisei hakavod with tears and with heartfelt tefilos so that we can, once and for all, bring an end to these senseless tragedies.
Zvi Gluck is the director of Amudim Community Resources, an organization dedicated to helping abuse victims and those suffering with addiction within the Jewish community and has been heavily involved in crisis intervention and management for the past 15 years. For more information go to www.amudim.org.
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37 Responses
Why make things up? There are no drugs in our communities. Not at all. And of course, there are no molestors. That’s a big myth.
Even Matzav said she had a heart attack (and then changed their article).
Disgusting frauds keeping their smelly heads in the sand. WHy is not every single rov screaming bloody murder about this? Why are children dropping like flies and no one says a peep?
Zvi Gluck should be gebentched. About time someone is taking this disease head-on.
last week a 13 year old boy killed himself. in monsey. but lets cover it up so we cant prevent the future.
what a sick word
I find it sickening that when YWN posts a video of Satmar teaching little children to throw eggs at moving vehicles of people they disagree with, or the insensitive horrifically despicable “mock funeral” held at Munkatch Camp – there are hundreds of comments all screaming and yelling. And not one peep here as close to ONE HUNDRED neshamos were snuffed out in LESS THAN A YEAR.
Utterly disgusting
to “ferd”: I know my post will be censored, however, I will try regardless. The reason Rabbonim do not sau a word is because they are helpless. They know how to learn gemorra and tosfos, etc, but when it comes to LEADERSHIP, they are not frauds, just clueless. They’re answer to everything is “Smartphones”. The bottom line is we lack leadership. I have not yet seen one GADOL show leadership capabililties. But I have seen them defend and protect countless child molesters, blame every tragedy on womens’ tznius, and of course, vilify any victims that come forward. Let’s not forget that as long as their palms are being greased, it doesn’t matter what geneivishe shtick the guy pulls. The only one that cares is Rabbi Horowitz, but he hasn’t been given the title “GADOL”.
I am in the process of building a website for individuals and families in the Orthodox community struggling with addiction and other forms of mental illness. I am hoping it will serve as an educational resource as well as offer support through the discussion forum. If you are so inclined please check it out and comment on how it can further help you.
refuathanefesh.com is the domain name
@headonstraight I guess it’s hard to find the right words…
#5 – Actually YOU are the clueless one. Ever hear of Rav Elya Brudny?
Guess not. Hope you never need to know who he is.
Shalom from the holy city of jerusalem.
drugs in our comunity, how could that happen?
as i grwe up in a rich neibourhood in Sao Paulo were all the kids were drugging, with all kids of drugs, I was the only teen who had such an open relationship with my mother that if I was to take any drug i would call my mother and tell her about it.
that s the only reason why, I was spared from addiction as always feared being trapped or dying, heroine is highly addictive even Inever even saw heroine or even a person taking it, and i ve seen lots of things.
I have no questions about the love and support this jewish family gave their litle girl, and it is heart breaking, she was so young.
I want to say, that the reason a person like me , that grew up in the middle of the shmutz didnt die of an overdose, was because i knew from an early age, like 10 years old, that Laboratory drugs, are going to kill you, and my mother was an older mother but she had it, she knew stuff and she was so open with me.
i think to be informed and just teach the kids its key to prevent this type of calamity.
May Hashem send us the Geula fast.
Some have dubbed Zvi Gluck with a nickname – צבי הצדיק. He has tackled some of the traditionally unspoken issues in the community, fearlessly, and actually made a difference.
The drug problem has been around for many years, though there is little to show for scientific data about whether it’s getting better or worse. Regardless, our community is losing neshamos at quite a rapid, alarming rate. And way too may dismiss it, as if it won’t happen to them. Well, the dreams and fantasies are over. These problems affect all, as in equal opportunity, including the homes and families of the nicest, brightest, and most notable. Families of rabbonim, roshei yeshivos, admorim, as well as those who have achieved in the working and professional worlds are all similarly affected.
It was once considered improper to discuss such subjects in public environments. It was considered “dirty laundry”, and was best addressed in secret. It is no longer a secret that drugs are bought and sold, that some die of overdose, that some abuse others physically, emotionally, or sexually, that there are while and blue collar crimes committed, that treif meat can be sold under a kosher label, that people make divorces and similar conflicts full of nastiness and torture, etc. If we don’t address them directly, they will reside in the pages of the secular media, and our communities will fail to challenge them head on.
Zvi is one of many, but probably the bravest of all, who look these monsters in the face, extend all forms of awareness, support, guidance, and resources to help.
Zvi – Please keep writing op-eds, but may you be zocheh to do so as the bearer of positive news, of inroads that are saving and protecting the neshamos of our children (and adults).
Yoily54 – And has Rav Elya Brudny made a dent in this tragedy? Why are the rest not taking one iota of interest?
One man cannot stop this epidemic. And I guess you didnt see my mention of Rabbi Horowitz either. Sorry, you may think I am the clueless one, but you are so wrong.
I totally agree with “ferd” #5. Every time a Gadol comes out with a Kol Korah against the internet or smartphones (as Rav Kanievsky did yesterday), it is huge news & everyone falls over themselves to applaud. But what about saving a neshama? Smartphones don’t cause people to sin, any more than a car causes RTA’s. It is the people operating these things that make mistakes or are reckless.
I don’t recall seeing any of today’s Rebbeim or Gedolim addressing the desperate and pervasive issues facing young people: lousy schools, abusive teachers, poor parenting, and more. 60 young people dying of overdoses, either deliberately or accidentally, is epidemic. Instead of worrying about talking in Shul or whether the brim of a hat turns up or down, please address the needs of our young people.
As a ex addict I can say that until we humble ourselves and start reaching out to ex addicts who have recovered the issue will continue and keep growing. We must send to the place that has THE solution! It exists! I was there and now my life is beautiful. From hopeless, empty, miserable, and dead internally to a beautiful life is possible you just need to reach out to the right ppl! Feel free to call 8482380976
#12 – You are an idiot for lack of better term.
YES he has mad e a HUGE dent in this tragedy. Imagine this: TONIGHT in LAKEWOOD Rav Dovid Schuistal will be speaking about Substance abuse and addiction, and on SUNDAY in LAKEWOOD Rav Malkiel Kotler will be talking about molestation and keeping our children safe.
This is ONLY because of Rav Elya Brudny. Rabbi Yaakov Horowotz couldn’t pull this off if he tried for another 150 years. Sorry to burst your Horowitz bubble.
Get real. And get the FACTS.
There might be another element here. Rabbinic children in general, and Rebeshe kintd in particular are high risk for the scarring that can occur when children are expected to be no less than a mirror image of their sainted parents. In similar circumstance I felt as an ornamental fish in a public aquarium for much of my childhood. Even if the parenting is 100%, the community expectations are still very real, and very damaging. I was not driven to drugs, but I thank Hkb”h daily that I did not turn out a sociopath, and that I just almost escaped becoming a hermit.
no one asked them to take drugs to begin with. self inflicted disease. thats why no one is talking about it. its not being judgmental its just the truth. we need to stop this where it starts. not when they are already addicted. JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS! reagan said that. its that simple.
Another tragedy, another article by Tzvi Gluck. But what has Tzvi done, and how is he suggesting we stop it? Each of these victims were close to Tzvi and received support of one organization or another. The fact remains that they chose to do drugs, and they suffer the results. Placing blame on the community doesn’t solve it, talking hasn’t solved it. I beg to differ, and say this is not a community problem. It’s individuals making bad choices. Do we need rabbonim to come out and day drugs is bad? We all know that. No one will argue the opposite.
Let’s stop blaming, let’s stop giving these people a platform to blame, and let people be responsible for their own decisions.
Moderators Response: You mean like YOU being held responsible for your last comment that was deleted – the one where you pretty much threw the holy Skulener Rebbe under the bus while hiding behind your computer screen? That type of being held responsible for their actions?
We’ll stop here. Get help.
Faygee A”H was a special person and had a great Neshama, it seems. It is so sad that her life ended at such a young age. All the drugs, etc., etc., have been out there forever. We, in the community, must learn how to teach our children to do the right thing and how to not get dragged into the world out there that has all these nefarious things in it. Blocking your mind and eyes to it will not do it. The way we teach our children about Shabbos, Kashrus, et al, is the same way we must make them aware of other evils out there. Granted the computer & internet makes it for easier access but if we teach responsible use of them, it can be a world of positive knowledge at your fingertips. Loving your children and being there for them when they need you is the key to rearing a happy child!!!
The number is probably much more than 60. As an very active member of the Chevra Kadisha i can tell you that there are probably dozens of non religious youth overdosing that don’t even make it to your radar.
Ny100k is 100% right. I can’t speak for the part of the comment that was deleted. But the part that I saw is right on the money. People need to take responsibility for their own decisions. With all this talk were allowing to blame other people for their own decisions. Maybe this is why nothing is working. All were doing here is continuing the blame game.
Praises and accolades should be given to Mr.Gluck for bringing up such a painful and important subject.
I would like to venture a point for parents to think about.A parent must not expect their baby to automatically become a ben/bat yeshiva by birth.
One becomes Jewish by birth or a cohen/Levi/Yisrael by birth.But how this child will become in the future depends on the education it gets and the parents effort to educate it.
But now,if the time comes,and the child does not do good in the learning and enters a world that is not yours be it inappropiate friends,sports,movies or the such,never should a parent berate the errant kid or call the kid a failure,and a doom to all shidduchim.
Sure,one must put a separation from the child actions and the siblings,so the siblings continue on the right path.
But never forget to hug your child no errant that he or she may be!!This is your flesh and blood,and the child desparately wants your love.
But if you cannot love your child,and the child feels it,then sadly the child will go to other things to find the missing love,and sometimes sadly that can be addictions to drugs that can sadly end the childs life.
I am not saying it is easy.But this attitudethat every kid must be like me or it is a failure must stop immediately.Not every kid can take the rigors that learning requires.
No kid that has a neshama should ever be considered a failure.Every Jew can come back.Let us all love our kids no matter that they might not be what you expected,and may we hear no more such bad and terrible news.
Tragedy of tragedies
A good place to start by helping a troubled teen. Go to 7/11 on collage rd on any given night. It’s like a collage frat party. Ppl who know how to deal with these issues should start there. So many of these teens just need someone to talk to.
To a concerned Jew
Your comment is in the one hand is very nice & on the other hand downright offensive. Let me explain. There are different paths that a child may take against his parents expectations. These paths are not created equal. If a child takes a path that the parent didn’t expect or prepare for as long as it’s in the confines of the Torah he should be accepted with all the love. But if this path the child takes is not only against the parents expectation but against Halacha & the Torah I’m very sorry but that’s not acceptable behavior & I can’t ask the parents to just “accept” a child rebelling against our father in heaven. & I don’t care what his situation in life may be there are no excuses to lead a life against the Torah
The wise guy commenter who slipped in the total denial that has been the hiding place of addictions for eons has displayed both ignorance and sheer chutzpah. I recognized the garden variety denial that extended the “Shikker is a goy” line long past its retirement into archives of history. By the 1960’s, hotels were seeking kashrut certification because they could profit from the “bar” now that Jews drink like everyone else. Drug rehabs across the country were experienced with frum clients, having treated quite a few. The JACS organization has retreats twice a year for recovering Jews, with a large attendance of frum addicts. To deny their existence is foolish and frankly dishonest.
Who is responsible? No one absolves the addict of responsibility. But the reality is that many features of the community, be it parenting, the chinuch system with its flaws, and many of the “norms” that are of questionable value. As a community, so many of our young people are rejected, by the system, by authority figures, by “rules” that would serve non-human robots well, and by those who simply prey on others to victimize them. If “we” didn’t throw them out, they wouldn’t turn to drugs, or the many other ills that affect so many. The addict is responsible for taking drugs. But we are responsible for putting these kids in harms way. Will we include that in our viduy during selichos or on Yom Kippur, or will we choose the wise guy denial?
ANON, I disagree with your comment very strongly.
Yisroel af al pi shechata Yisroel hu – our job is to love our children unconditionally, not to judge them – this is how we begin to understand and appreciate Hashem’s love for us. This does not absolve a parent from his chinuch responsibilities or from keeping the mitzvos of Hocheiach Tochiach or Lifnei Iver – we must do all we possibly can to help our children grow spiritually but L’Shma – no agendas.
Keeping the relationship healthy and strong does wonders for teens struggling – and we all strugle in our Avodas Hashem and of course letting them know that there is always a way back, and that Hashem has it paved for all of us with a red carpet. May gantz klal yisroel be zoche to do teshuva shleima this elul and be zoche to the geula this year.
To number 24 ANON21:
Thanks for the comment,and boy did you hit on the thrust of my point!!This is the crucial problem here that must be discussed at length!!When is a Jewish kid considered so errant,that he is considered a rebel that even according to what you are saying,his own parent should not pity him or her??
I would respond immediately that the Torah tells us the parameter in Ben soreh vemoreh!And as you probably know,the definition of a Ben soreh vemoreh is one that steals money to eat a certain amount of meat,and a certain amount of wine.Nowhere does it mention a kid that follows goyish culture,sports or the such!!And I have never heard that the definition of Ben soreh vemoreh can be alluded to other things.
So why oh why,are you,ANON21,coming down so harsh on an errant kid that he should not be loved at all because his lifestyle is against the halacha and Torah,and that you consider him a rebel against Hashem,and that you do not care about his situation??Are you really implying that it is all or nothing??How in your eyes can we do kiruv for anybody,then??Why is there Teshuva??
You hit my pet peeve that people like you have set the bar way too high.
It is a known fact that not everyone can sit and learn many hours and be happy.Some cannot bear it,because they do not know how to learn,and for them learning is pure torture,but they have no sympathy,because people like you do not want to hear excuses.Some kids do not yet understand the importance of being a yid,for maybe the kid did not see the importance in the home,or maybe the kid had lousy teachers.
What is the kid to do??Sometimes,the kid will veer into a different world that is more understanding and exciting.
But the kid is not doing it out of rebellion,but because the kid has no outlet in the Torah world that he or she can grasp to.
Look,as long as the kid is not stealing,the Torah does not slam the kid as you would!!Are you trying to outmachmir the Torah???
Understand this,I do not take pleasure in throwing barbs your way,but this is a painful point that must be addressed.
What must be discussed is what constitutes the red line where the kid has crossed into a point of no return.
I always thought intermarriage was the red line.But before that terrible step,any parent should try with all their might to understand where their errant kid is coming from,show the kid some love,and act accordingly.Especially for the kid that you can tell are not doing these things to spite you or with malicious intent.Sometimes the kid is just doing these things to get your attention
But the parent should never slam the door in the kids face,as that will make the kid run to dangerous places with dangerous consequences,which is quite unforgivable.
For a kid acting out of the box does not make the kid a rebel or a failure.The kid needs a different outlet that has to be worked on.But please do not punish the kid by calling it a failure because the kid is not a cookie-cut image of yourself.Not everything has to be black and white.
I am quite sure that nearly all these kids are not doing this as a rebellion against Hashem and the Torah,but out of a lack of knowledge of the importance of yiddishkeit,and that should not warrant them being called failures,as any Yid can always come back as long as they live.If anything,davening to Hashem for the kid will do wonders too,and may we come across some good solution soon.
We can analyze all we want about this issue, but once a child is thrown out of school, often for having gone to a movie or wearing not so appropriate clothing, and is separated from lifelong friends, its a downward spiral. This child is doomed, and its a clear path to drugs and depression. The Rabbis can cry and scream from their lecterns, but in most cases,this is what starts it all. Getting thrown out of school. Instead of looking at these kids as Kiruv opportunities, they look at them like terrorists destroying the school. When the kids see the hypochrisy of big names in the school doing the same and not getting thrown out, it kills them even faster. The schools throwing these kids out are handing them a ticket to death.
@ANON HOW HORRIBLY HORRIBLY WRONG YOU ARE!!! PLEASE DO NOT SUBJECT ANY OFFSPRING TO YOUR THINKING…BETTER TO LEAVE THAT TO THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE SOME SENSE……for you to say what you just said about a child and being against Halacha is so wrong and misguided it just shows what the wrong of our society has produced. you are a living breathing talking example of where we went wrong…there is not one rav, therapist, mechanich who would agree with what you said they all say exactly the opposite. what’s sad is that you have no idea and there are a lot more out there just like you…..please get educated before you ruin your child’s life….I keep rereading and rereading what you wrote and keeps sinking deeper as to where all the problems of our society come from and it’s you and whoever had the responsibilities to raise you and guide you…if we fix you then maybe just maybe there will be some hope that everything else bad will end.
#25. “If “we” didn’t throw them out, they wouldn’t turn to drugs, or the many other ills that affect so many”.
+1000000000
First many of us throw kids under the bus for non conformity, because its not good for the school/Shidduchim/neighborhood/family, etc and then we ask why theyre doing so poorly and killing themselves and cry when they do?
just to add one more thought in response to the bright minds of nyk100 and anon….the Torah you so stoutly defends says lo sitein michshal…do not put a stumbling block…..do you know what that means? it means there’s a concept that while a person may do something entirely on his own there can be someone else out there who may actually be responsible for putting a stumbling block… so in the future don’t be so riotous for that which you do not understand….Hashem doesn’t need you to decide how religious a person needs to be I’m sure he can handle that himself and if he thinks there’s no excuse for going against his Torah the he will deal with it….since the beginning of the Torah we’ve been sinning….I’m sorry I’m sure at this point I don’t make much sense it just boggles my mind that someone old actually make a comment like that and publicly even from behind a computer screen…..we should have rehabs for people who think like these 2 winners…and yes well take responsibility for allowing you to think like that…
Good Morning Yoily54, so tell me, what was accomplished in the big speech last night? I’m guessing one big round ZERO. All talk and no action.
What irritates me the most is simply the fact that people continue to talk about the problem rather than the solution even a blind man can see that drug addiction leads to death a huge problem is that so many people think they know the depth of drug addiction if you were simply able to say no we wouldn’t have any more deaths occurring but obviously that is not the solution since when did we have to look amongst non Jews for a solution what happened to our Torah the 12 steps are in the Torah it’s called teshuva addiction is NOT a medical problem it IS a spiritual malady and yes WE are responsible for these deaths as well when someone asks for help where are they sent to the secular world for help where there is a 3% or 4% success rate I have personally been to multiple treatment centers for drug addiction none worked except one it is a Jewish program where they have 12 steps and integrate it with Torah where everyone that GRADUATED the program in the past 5 years has not relapsed and in fact almost all are bnai Torah HOW CAN SOMEONE NOT SEND PEOPLE WHO ARE STRUGGLING WITH ADDICTION HERE?!?!?! HOW CAN WE CONTINUE TO LET THEM GO TO SECULAR REHABS?!?!?! And not an assumption a FACT if people continue to sent to secular places another Jewish boy or girl is going to die I’ve seen it first hand my friend who was 17 years old passed away 2 weeks ago i am out of addiction why can’t we give this opportunity to others IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS OR KNOW ANYONE THAT NEEDS HELP MY CELLPHONE IS AVAILABLE 24/7
Shlomo
305.849.9978
Heroin is a dangerous and LETHAL drug and the least we can do is teach our kids the different between cocaine/heroin/ meth versus weed or tobacco, and their harmful effects on the body. Teenagers and even adults do not know about these drugs , and their harmful effect and even a brochure with death statistics of heroin overdose can help, maybe ?
My heart breaks for the people that were unable to have the opportunity to get better and had to tragically suffer, and for being given false hope through programs that offer no long term solution,
I know how deadly addiction is as I have personally overdosed and faced death in my active addiction many times,
Everyone wants to prevent more deaths, and I can tell you that there is a solution, and I am living proof of that, yes, I did go to the program in Florida,and there is no question that I would have been another casualty if I hadn’t.
There is a solution, and it is possible to get better, and we have to do everything in our power to spread the message and help other addicts recover, and if we don’t we are responsible for their deaths
one thing I never got…just show any kids a video of someone withdrawing from heroin or other drugs and they will never touch the stuff….don’t think I’ve ever see one myself…
As a mother with a teenage son who struggled with addiction, I can tell you from personal experience that it is a very scary, lonely and difficult journey you are on with your child. The process is extremely challenging. Finding help that fits your child’s needs is the most difficult challenge. There are hundreds of organizations but when you reach out, somehow your child falls through the cracks and doesn’t fit. You are watching your child bottom out and you cannot make the changes for them. Only they can want to do something for themselves. And only with the right help can they make these changes. This work is brutal. It involves months of introspection, working on yourself, and making changes. This is very difficult on one’s family as they are isolated and feel like they are losing their child/sibling. The challenge and work is real. It is difficult. Torah and the twelve steps is a solution to a real problem. And there are kids that you can talk to now that have been through this journey that are thank gd healthy and happy and living a beautiful life. That is who you need to speak with. Ask them. They have lived this. They can help you. They understand. They have done this work and know the solution.