This tragic story began at 11:00 am on Sunday morning 15 Elul. A resident of Rechasim, a man in his 50s employed as a driver, transporting chareidi children in the city was not answering his phone. His employer continued calling but he did not respond. Calls were directed to his voice mail.
As the hours passed there was growing concern for the man and a search began in an effort to locate him. Only at about 17:00 was his lifeless body found in his vehicle near a shul in Kfar Chassidim. It appeared he had a self-inflicted gunshot wound.
The details of the tragic story began to unfold during the hours that followed. The man did not leave a letter explaining his actions. He learned that morning that his daughter was rejected from first grade. ‘H’, a person who knew the niftar explained he believes the rejection of his child from school broke him – it was the final straw.
Ladaat News quotes ‘H’ saying “It is a mafia here in Rechasim. I will not give my name for if I do I will be a dead man. Tomorrow my daughter will be ousted from school and they will make sure to ruin my life and that of my family”.
‘H’ continued, explaining “I knew him well. He was about 50 and normative as you fine. His older daughters are married and now his little one was going into first grade however in the morning he learned she was not accepted. There may have been other factors but there is no doubt this is the straw that broke the camel’s back. He had no one to turn to and those he asked for help did not assist him”.
The niftar’s mechutin was maspid him at the levaya, calling on the tzibur of Rechasim to do a cheshbon nefesh, adding “Do not say ‘my hands did not spill this blood’”.
Police determined the niftar used his own handgun to take his life.
(YWN – Israel Desk, Jerusalem)
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40 Responses
This story should haunt every administrator. They too have been there and they’re far too quick and callous when rejecting families. Far too many tears have been shed for really irrelevant and irresponsible explanations. And they feel answerable to no one!
And in here in Lakewood they do the same thing. This Mishagas started in NYC. (Of Not accepting kids into Schools!)
Murderers. All in the name of religion.
I am a skeptic. I have a hard time believing that any school administrator anywhere will experience a pang of guilt over the murder of this man, and the murder of the child. Having worked with parents and schools regarding admission/rejection policies, it has become clear as day to me that the belief they have in the holiness of their rejection patterns is as precious to them as their statements of belief in Torah miSinai. I would wish that the tragic loss of this man would be an eye opener to the Klal, and that our gedolim would give a blanket issur on these practices. If so, this loss might not have been in vain. But, I am a skeptic, and I have no expectation that a single Rosh Yeshiva or administrator will be impressed by this at all. It will most likely be dismissed as the man’s personal mental illness. I wish to be found wrong on this.
the frum communities in Eretz Yisroel are a bit too demanding of total obedience to the gedoli yisroel, who ever they are.
Any type of individual action that differs from the norm is looked at as a possible suspect who is a chiloni.
To “The little I know”
You are wrong in part and correct in part. Some Gedolim have already come out against these disgusting and heartless practices. To name one, R Aaron L. Shteinman shlita decried this practice and yelled that its source is GAIVA. But you are right in part, I don’t think any yeshiva or school will change their retarded policies one bit, the proof- did anyone listen to R Shteinman’s words??? And I live in Lakewood, the capital of stupidity and krum frum when it comes to these things. I happened to get all my children in without any issues but how many cry to sleep at night, for what- to get their innocent children into a yeshiva to learn Torah! Murder is a good description of the story above.
Little. You are 100% correct
If anything they will now justify their action
And heLth sorry it started in Lakewood. With schools only accepting those they deemed acceptable. Working parents leave.
And Just leave your money here someone has to pay the bills
The Gedolim have indeed spoken about this. Rav Steinman has repeatedly on innumerable occasions spoken out against this practice.
Bottom line, THE GEDOLIM DO NOT RUN KLAL YISRAEL!
“The Gedolim” is simply a brand-name for the sundry askanim who lead us by the nose.
What a desperate action and caused by REJECTION!!
How can we stand in front of hashem in two weeks with clean hearts when this is happening all around us, TRAGIC!!! is an understatement.
All this rejection comes from every school thinking they are holier than thou and if you’re not in a certain mold you are a lost case. It’s time people got off their high horse and accept others for who they are.
its time to say enough is enough. we have the same retzichah going on in borough park. as long as the sponsors of the schools go unpunished this will go on. Its time to BOYCOTT the businesses that claim they have a reputation and stand behind the hurt and pain of so many.
once they hurt in their own pocket (thats all they care about) the sheigatz shtick will stop.
It is a terrible tragedy when someone despairs so much that he feels he has to take his own life. We all know that suicide is unacceptable and that one must hold on to his faith in Hashem and realize that everything is from Him. If we are given a nisoyon, there must be a way to handle it or Hashem wouldn’t be handing it to us. Now this man’s child is an orphan, his wife is a widow. How did that help the situation? He should have studied sefer Chovos Halevovos. I know what I am talking about because although I am not in this man’s matzav, I did have terrible times that were hard to get through and I learned Chovos Halevovos and that gave me the strength to go on.
The aveirah is so great in religious neighborhoods in Israel where the Religious Schools are also the public schools and each child must be accepted.Could any of us in America imagine how we would feel if our child was rejected from public school!From such a rejecrion you assume everyone would reject(although here it would be overturned immediately).Since the administrators don’t want to follow Torah or law,they must get together,decide which children each doesn’t want and work out a compromise.They can do this before answering the parents and probably even before receiving applications,as they know all the kids in the neighborhood.
I once spoke to a school administrator from Chicago who told me that,although they officially place high standards for acceptance,they know they’re the only school of their type and do not reject anyone.Yes,despite this fact(or maybe because of it),they have an excellent reputation.Some people like to do a kiddush Hashem!
Schools indeed reject too many children; however, calling them rotz’chim (even assuming that this man indeed committed suicide because of the rejection) is heartless and wrong.
To number 4. Now that you have vented and slandered every yeshiva administrator, please sit back and take a deep breath. It is not the administrator, but rather the parent body of schools who dictate who the school takes in. The administrator is the unfortunate public face to the stupidity demanded by the parent body, so he takes the brunt of the criticism. If he did not have to fear the backlash of “what, you accepted him/her into the school” from the parent body, or certain members of the parent body, he would have no issue accepting any kid into the school.
Kollel Faker -“And heLth sorry it started in Lakewood”
The reason I said BP, because I know of s/o who wasn’t accepted because of money. This was way before Lakewood started with their rejections!
unbelievably heartbreaking………………
To UncleMo #6:
I am well aware of the Rav Shteinman video clip. However, Rav Shteinman was addressing a specific situation. You and I believe in the greatness of Rav Shteinman shlit”a, and recognize without question that he was referring to the global practice of rejection, not just that one case. However, the issue has not been publicly raised in front of him, and the rest of the Gedolim have never issued a general psak halacha that would obligate schools to abolish the practice of rejection. As much as I applaud the circulation of that clip, I cry over the absence of the Kol Koreh that makes rejection practices an issur chomur of retzicha. Meanwhile, those menahalim(os) that regularly practice this avairoh are considering themselves holier than others, as if they are making HKB”H happy with their delusions of creating Gedolei Hador, ignorant of the murders they commit to satisfy their egos.
to #12 bas melech…Stop giving mussar. be don lekaf zechus…Maybe he had other very disturbing issues and this was the cause of his extreme pain. Not justifying suicide , but we must be dan lekaf zechus….Seems that he felt he had no one to turn to…TIME FOR SCHOOL ADMINISTRATORS TO BE SOIVEIL BETZAARO SHEL ACHEIRIM AND FIND A PLACE FOR EVERY CHILD……..
You can’t say that mchanchem are responsible before you know the whole story I would like to know y he was rejected some times there are real concerns behind it’s not appropriate to judge the mchanench and say he is a achser before you know the whole story and it’s not even sure that this was the case wy he killed himself or someone else killed him sometimes the mafia makes it look like it was suicidal
Bottom line can’t judge before you know the full story and of course not
Too put someone to blame
to SMFG3:
In my case, I had No One to turn to except for Hashem.I said I didn’t know the man’s circumstances which must have been pretty dire, but, you don’t know what trials I went through either.
I may be moving from Brooklyn, but while I am here if there is anyone whose child is not accepted somewhere and needs to be home-schooled, I will help parents formulate a plan of study and guide them. If anyone wishes to form a school for children who are not accepted elsewhere, i would be glad and honoured to be the principal/education director.
To morahNechamah #22,
If you move, you may want to move to Lakewood, there’s never a shortage of rejected kids there (and consequently, way more “off the derech” kids than probably any other community).
To “The little I know says”
I was also at the asifa approx. 12 years ago in the “old Jamesway” in Howell. At that asifa, R’ Shteinman famously remarked that had Avraham Avinu lived in Lakewood, he would not have gotten into Yeshiva, because his fathers name was Terach, however Esav would have easily gotten in, having a father named Yaakov! Did anyone listen to his words? I’m still in Lakewood 12 years later, and I think I can say with certainty- a loud resounding NO! But when it comes to any chumra or Halacha he says, he’ll be the first one everyone will throw their hats on. They hear what they want.
I don’t see how ANY rejection by school administrators is more of a rejection than a person who denies his own daughter a father.
Its not often I comment but I will try not to do to others what I don’t want done to me. This is everything in nut shell. Think about it.
It’s almost sounds from the reviews here that he have done the right thing. I’m sorry but I don’t know if he as a חלק לעולם הבא for he killed himself everybody has troubles and got to cope it’s not a reason to kill yourself
Rav Shteinman hit it on the head.
Givah, Givah, Givah. The whoever refused that child a Jewish education should be removed from his job NOW.
So, I’m a school administrator and am faced with applications from parents who brazenly dress and behave below standard. Now, they want their kids to get into the ‘best’ school where their classmates are from the frum homes, but if all the kids would dress and act like them, they wouldn’t apply to this school.
Now, big question, who are you to judge a fellow yid, and the answer is that they judge themselves by the image that they portray. If a couple are true Ovdei Hashem, they don’t dress like the girls on the catwalk, they don’t eat in minimum hechsher establishments, they don’t make birthday parties with non jewish DJS, for the school body that I represent these things are unacceptable, so why try fight to get in, if you want your kid to be a big Tzadikel, start with the parents. And yes the exterior is just as important as the interior of a person. Rebetzin Kanievsky didn’t just ‘happen’ to dress like an adult Barbie doll.
Uncle Mo:
“however Esav would have easily gotten in, having a father named Yaakov!”
Huh? Eisuv was Yaakov’s brother. Their Father was Yitzchok. Mistama, that’s what you meant to say.
The lifestyle of these people is really a cult.. A normal person would realize this and walk away from these people and the religion they espouse
My kids have not been accepted to school in lakewood If anyone knows anyone that can actually help please let me know.
to bas melech #21. No one accused you of anything. All that was said that you should also be don lekaf zechus and don’t point a finger of accusation IF YOU DON’T KNOW THE WHOLE STORY!!!
to no. 27. Nobody said he did the right thing But stop the criticism IF YOU DO NOT KNOW THE FULL PICTURE!!!
ALSO READ COMMENT #19, IT ALSO APPLIES TO YOU!!!
Shame on the whole corrupt system.
As someone who deals with these broken children l’acher hama’ase, I can tell you with absolute certainty that any school, anywhere, which rejects a child for reasons other than not having the proper resources to educate that child (hamayvin yovin), every involved person (from admin to janitor and all those in between) will have to give din vecheshbon after 120.
I will go as far as to say that they may even have a moral obligation to steer that child to an appropriate facility.
How these people sleep at night behooves me. I am not the parent of any such child but I do see and deal and cry with them every day.
Hashem yeracheim.
May this father’s holy neshomoh have menucha and may his almonoh and their precious princess have a nechomoh.
To unclemo
You have a very strong point but let me show you the picture from another an
People want their kids to go to the best school even there are not up to that standards but they want want there children should get the best chinuch
BUT the truth is 99.99% it’s that the apple doesn’t fall to far from the tree and accepting kids from a different standards will bring down their standard and I think it’s understandable why a school will want to keep their standards
And im not saying that schools don’t abuse their power sometimes sure they do!!!
But I’m talking in general and most of the time
Baruch Dayan emes. So sad. but you all seem to be loving it. See what reshoim “They” are, how aweful the establishment, blah blah blah… Ever think about this a second- say you have a school with 4 parallel 1st grades, accepting 100 kids for the new year, and 200 applicants… There will be 100 kids left out. period. And there’s gotta be SOME criterea. You want them to say “100 spots available- all to be chosen by goirul!” I suspect that may not be YOUR first choice school either…
The father z”l had other issues, because rejection is not a reason to take his life.
But here is what happened: racism, unpure and never simple. The Ashkenazi-based institution rejected the kid because she was of Sepharadi background. This happens much too often in Israel. Among secular and traditional – it is on a personal level. However, among the Haredim – it is institutionalized and accepted. It shouldn’t be – but it is.
This is the case in Israel, no reflection on anyone abroad.
There are two reasons why children are refused entry into certain schools. The first is that the school may be full up and cannot legally take extra pupils. That happens here in the UK even in non Jewish schools. The second is where it is felt that the child or the family do not fit the exact “model” of the school. This is where the problems arise. Administrators or parent bodies take on the role of G-d making decisions which can have an effect on the child’s future for years to come. The answer to this problem is to have a Rav or Posek of note assigned to every school as the school’s Rav, and every difficult case should be brought to this Rav for a Psak Halochoh. Any rejection must be signed by the school and the Rav who should be empowered to give reasons to parents (in private) for any rejection. If there is a reason that the family does not fit the ethos of the school, they should be given the option of changing their derech or taking their child elsewhere. In all these matters there must be some leeway to accept children, even where the family do not fit the exact profile of the school, where it is felt that the child would benefit from being educated at that particular school. Again, the School’s Rav must have the final say.
#29…your rant disgusts me (and perhaps all of us).
How DARE you??
Do you know how many children became respected members of various communities (yes, even roshei yehsivos) because -unlike people like you and your ilk, they were given an opportunity? And yes, their parents ended up covering hair and drew closer to Hash-m.
Do you know that your statement is biased?
Need I remind you that we have suffered (and continue to this very day) for centuries from segregationists and the last ones we ever thought we’d have to worry about are the “yous” of this world?
You need to walk in the shoes of those who are in this situation for just one week, perhaps it will be a rude awakening.
The Holy days are upon us. You might want to consider some introspection…